A few months ago someone whom I've had as a "vanilla friend" for a little over a year, came out as a perv to another mutual friend of ours. Our mutual friend is very open about his lifestyle, and that immediately opened up the loop to me. As some of you who've read my blog, privacy is important for me. So opening up to folks who I already know in a vanilla context is sometimes tricky.
So, while I want to be supportive of them, and I know that I have quite a bit of knowledge and personal experience to offer (boy was I reminded of that) - I also don't want to be outted by association. So how it all plays out can be a bit tricky.
Though over the years I've become much less concerned about getting outted - mostly as I've grown more comfortable with myself and the focus of my desire for privacy has changed (from protecting my ego to protecting the privacy of my loved ones) - privacy is still important. I can remember days when it was more than important, it was just critical. I remember opening up to a young woman who was all heart broken at a party one time. Her boyfriend had dumped her, and she was feeling unattractive and it was one of those late night babble until 4 AM things, and at some point I had mentioned something about my smoking fetish - and specifically about how I thought the way she smoked her Virginia Slims was particularly sexy. Now, I sincerely thought I was just being a good friend, and a bit flirty - all to just make her feel a little better.
Well, next thing I know, the every time I would see her out, she would bring up her smoking - even if there was a group of people around. It was almost as if she could not have been more awkward and call more attention to it. I have to admit, I was actually a little excited - but more mortified. In the end, I don't think anyone else noticed it - no one made it any big deal. I was still very surprised and hurt.
Years later, I found out that several of the women in our group of friends had either figured it out already, or pieced together with each other that I had a fetish for both smoking and lipstick. One woman told me that she was specifically instructed to wear lots of lipstick and smoke if she wanted to seduce me. Not that being outed like that is a bad thing.
Hrm, well I'm way off my intended topic... Anyway... I guess it is easier to have a formula for seduction than not, right? I mean if you can just set the dial and flip the switch and get results, is that a bad thing? So, anyway, back to my friend. The thing that was tricky for him was that his g/f - although she was considered "as big a perv as anyone" was totally uncomfortable with some of the things he was suggesting, and their relationship suffered. On again, off again. Up and down. It was like a week to week thing.
And then they came to a place of understanding. And a week ago they broke their cherries and went to the Fetish Factory Halloween party. My fiancee and I were going to go, but I was just too sick with a head cold. I did help him with some suggestions about what to wear and what not, and they had an absolute blast.
This Saturday, the four of us went out to the "Halloween Hangover" party. And it is clear that they've found home. If they accept it or not over the longer haul, well that's something that only time can tell. But they're both quite attractive, friendly and personable, and well - they were just having a blast. Their enthusiasm for the scene, and each other really rubbed off on us. It's funny, I don't consider myself all that jaded, but as I was explaining things to them at the party it really occurred to me just how much I know about so many different things.
So much knowledge to the point where it's not even needed either. Like the fact that I don't have a latex fetish, but I know who made that movie they are showing in the corner, and I'm telling them the best web site to get this or that.
As much fun as it all was, it is kinda weird. See, they're still vanilla friends ya know? And he's wearing a skirt of mine and she's strutting around our apartment wearing a strapon. And then she's stroking it and talking about how she bought it when she was single, and wore it around her house for hours, and jerked it constantly... and I immediately tell them that they really should look into getting a feeldoe - and she's curious, and I explain how it works. Then I start to wonder if he's looking at me, knowing that I'm getting it up the butt from my girl, and I know he's getting it up the butt, and I'm kinda recommending how she gives it to him, and then I'm feeling weird - and well it's not like it's a big deal, but can I look at him quite the same way? Or does it not even matter? And I sure hope they don't mention it the next time a whole group of us go out mini-golfing!
Because *THAT* would be weird! :)
PS. If both of the ladies wish to continue the social smoking they did at the fetish party in vanilla settings, I am totally fine with that.